I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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