dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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