Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
