Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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