I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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