my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I forget how to act sober
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