im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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