I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize