I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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