I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dicks are not precious.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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