Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
