He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize