he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize