This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
