He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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