Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
