Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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