hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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