Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
