She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I will be naked everywhere
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
