11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
