Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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