im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
