and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
