Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
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Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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