I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
