The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
