Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize