In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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