The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
