my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
