Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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