No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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