i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He better not be in your backpack
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The power of my boobs compel you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
