You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
