I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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