Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
