New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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