I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
