You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
