i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
