Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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