If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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