I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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