nutella sex= disaster
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
