At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
