I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
