How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
