Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
