my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
