i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize