He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
