Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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