And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
