Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
