Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Welp...herpes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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