Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
being pregnant is like rehab
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
