I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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